I mean if she can demean you in front of her friends there is absolutely no issue putting her in her place in front of them as well. I'm not sure what her motivation was with not being up front with you about all of this, especially the telling her friends of your sexuality. Your marriage is between the two of you. So props to you. Girls can be katty and have fun taking diggs at each other (guys too but its a stereotypical thing with girls). Ban the girls from the house. She seems like a good egg caught in a bad moment however. you sound like a fuckin pussy, enjoy your manliness, as you your wife fucks u in the ass LOL. Own who you are and youll feel so much better. As long as you are honest with yourself then it will all work out. i think you do need to consider the idea that it probably was indeed just girl talk, same as when guys just chat shit together. Wife talks shit to friends to be funny/gossip/have fun, and does not honor the trust that was placed in her. How disgusting can she be? When you have a PARTNER that partner should be in your corner 100% of the time. And I've faced this with my family-- I shut that crap down with a quickness. Her calling it bi shit, begrudgingly doing it, thinking of someone else. But don't be shocked when prople know already. Would she still have the friends over knowing how they feel? It was lovely that the mate called you and said what he did. Whatre you guys laughing about? I ask with a smile playing stupid. We have good jobs that the pandemic didnt effect too much. Take your time, make sure you heal on your timeline not hers. If its been a long time she maybe used to be that way but not anymore and still knows how to do the diggs they like. Otoh keeping this secret is what gives it power - power over you. Exposing your sexuality and your sex life to her friends is a massive betrayal, but it has been covered by other quality comments. Go for a hike, go to a movie, whatever. For a moment I felt ashamed. Divorce is an option if you cant get past this but it deserves an effort. It's time to contact a lawyer, bro. I dont air out our dirty laundry for anyone else to see, especially when it comes to sex. I turned around and stormed off to our room. There are plenty things I could talk about my girlfriend and make fun of her for it to my mates, but I dont because what happens between us stays between us. Good luck, brother. Another violation of your trust. Its very helpful to be able to be open about everything with our friends, cause it makes our open marriage life so much easier without having to keep it secret and hidden, so Im really sorry that you guys have to keep your bisexuality such a secret. I think the problem here is not your wife not loving you or your sex life -- it sounds like she loves you very much and enjoys y'all's sex life. she can claim she doesnt mean it all she wants but that will not change the fact she said it and then didnt defend you when things got ugly. EVERYTHING she did was awful and she clearly knew that she messed up (more than once). Yeah, all of those things are a painful betrayal. If you two have a solid relationship, you should be able to work through this. What she did is disrespectful to you as her husband, to herself as your wife, disrespectful AF to your kids (because they will absolutely hear this rumorone day if you live in a small town) and in my opinion this is a divorce threshold. Therefore I would talk to her about her views on it and, if necessary, go to couples therapy on this. There is now a before and an after in your marriage. I thanked him. The Geni has escaped from the bottle, as there's no chance of putting it back in, you need to deal with the humiliation that you feel in how it was told. Your sex life sounds amazing. It shouldnt be that way forever, and hopefully it isnt one day. I'd be very hesitant about taking her words at face value. Your wife shouldnt have outed you to her friends. I guess the guy was too close or something because my wife again told him that he was drunk and should go back to the group. If my friends talked about my SO like that I would be livid and we wouldnt be friends anymore. If she truly care about your feelings, she would not have put you down to make herself look and feel better. She more than likely enjoys your sex life and marriage, but is ashamed at how her friends make her feel, and used you as an outlet. Also, she may have "let it slip" 2 years ago, but obviously they've all talked about it since. Still, you are gonna have a serious talk and you're gonna have to make her understand this was unacceptable. Couples counseling could work but it may also not be necessary, you two could work on it together. Ebony milf with big tits, shaking young boy's cock in rough modes 06:00. I am a very chill guy. Agreed! Also, she could have been honest and told him what happened at the bachelor party, but instead she kept it a secret. You need to learn how to deal with being outed and your stupid wife needs to understand the true ramifications for you. Doesn't really sound wonderful to me if she can out private details like that so easily. I didn't enforce it, I didn't like it and it made me feel similarly to you. I was going to say something identical. Id rather show my support. I mean the "I overheard my wife say something upsetting about me to her friends" genre is a little played out. Or so that she wont identify you? Unfortunately as long as there are homophobic people out there, there is potential to damage his reputation. Go see a divorce attorney. If that isn't true, she should dump the friends because no one should have to feel like they have to validate themselves in a relationship to those they trust. I think it wouldve been different if maybe she had some concerns and needed someone to confide in about it, but she shouldve never allowed them to speak about you that way. But Id advise against staying with someone like that at all. Doesnt make it right. Because I think going three-for-three on instances of convenient bullshit is, well, bullshit. I just dont believe that all the people who have commented how awful your wife is, have never said things they regret. Maybe your wife didnt feel comfortable telling her friends that she enjoyed herself because she didnt want to be judged. Life is great and were very blessed. You feel emasculated about something that's a part of you because you hide it Weirdly plenty of women like men who like men too. Between stimulus and response, there is a space. My take: there may be some truth in her fabrications to her friends, which makes her even worse. Then one friend says I could never be with a man who like men. I can give you the exact number of people's secrets I have revealed while drunk Is fucking zero. She said two of her friends are judgmental and believe youre either gay or straight and since I enjoy men (only sexually, not romantically) I must be gay. If everything else is great, and she is genuinely remorseful, and willing to work on your relationship, I don't see why you should write off your life together. As long as they're not being super stupid, 100% in public and then you tell them off in private. Youd always be thinking if you can trust them enough to give them certain information about yourself. First of all, you're right to cool down before making decision on anything. Juatt know that that is okay and it can take as long as it takes. That's only for me and my wife to know. Honestly the only advice I have is to go for that beer with your friend, he seems to be the only one in the situation treating you decently. The only talking I'd be doing at that point would be discussing how she wants to split custody. And regarding the "I let it slip while drunk" part, she's still responsible for her acts while drunk. He said if i wanna get together for a drink or whatever to let him know. Keep sleeping on it, brother. I could hear what they were saying and I heard one of her friends mention Tom. I'm a bisexual woman, and if my husband told his friends that he thinks of other women when we do more than vanilla sex, I'd tell him to go find less. Whether or not its just because she got caught, I dont know. If you do want to try to stay with her then, at minimum, you need to insist on marriage counseling immediately and you also need to insist that she completely cut the two homophobic/judgmental friends out of her life. Women get cold feet around marriage, but she decided to be with you. How long have you been the butt of their homophobic jokes? This issue has been going on and at each turn, she chose not to be honest with you. It's going to suck, but it's always worth it to try and move on. What she did was the lowest of the low and completely unacceptable. You gotta fuck Tom. Finding this out, I personally dont know if I could get past it. This is divorce worthy. Personally, I would consider this along the same lines of cheating in my relationship, because it's a complete breach of trust and security you're supposed to have with your partner. Yeah, I'm a married woman. She basically said, well if you werent listening at the door you wouldnt be upset right now. That is why we married each other. Thats not the kind of person you stay with. They honestly seem jealous if they care that much about what you enjoy sexually. Rob the "state" of whatever you are going through of its power by giving it zero importance. It seems she reserves honesty for her friends. German Husband let Young Boy Fuck his Wife in Threesome 14:30. The simple fact of the matter is she shit talks you behind your back. I am a closeted bi woman. Again this is a guess. Genuine apologies matter so I guess gage how genuine you think she is or if shes just upset she got caught? Don't fight. You know what Im talking about Im sure. I could never trust what to believe again. The friends that she's now claiming are judgemental need to be cut off. I was pooping and you helped me push from laughing so hard. Your wife probably didn't want to admit in front of her friends that she likes that you're into butt stuff and initiates most of the time. I would divorce my husband if he let his friends make comments about my sexuality, and then proceeded to say he fantasized about other women during sex. You pave the way for us, and I appreciate you tons. I don't think you will recover from this. That's where your power is. She is the person who is supposed to have your back the most, and not only did she not, she threw you to the wolves and also took some bites herself. Secondly, words mean nothing without action to back it up. I will say at least you dumped the shit on the table straight away and didn't try to eat it by yourself. She may end up escalating the situation. Itll be hurtful to both of you for a long time and you probably both need therapy but if you truly do love each other, itll be worth it. You shouldnt have to hide your true self, nor be ashamed of it. I used to drink to black out, and not one time did I let slip the secrets I held for my friends and family. I don't think she is disinterested in the guy, but I will say I don't tolerate that kind of weakness. Once your sexual history was out in the open and left you vulnerable to her girlfriends judgements, she decided to join in and talk shit about it and mention that she thinks of other men while pleasuring you since it turns her off. Also? Thats the shittiest advice you could give someone. I know from experience when you say Ill kinds of shit and they say whatever makes your friends happy or agree especially if youre drinking and they all laugh about it I believe your wife really does love you but she needs to stand up for you with your friends and those friends arent real friends so they have no business in your home do you need some serious counseling for your children sake. People knowing that hes bi will damage his reputation? But she enjoys to embarrass you to her friends behind your back about it. It's only a reference to who you choose to have sex with. I would 100% be considering divorce over this, if in OPs shoes. She needs to take responsibility for it and how it made you feel. From one bi to another, I'm sorry you had to go through this, it's a bisexual's nightmare scenario to hear your long-term partner say this kind of shit. I do not get why some people think it is okay to shit talk or make fun of their significant other to their friends, and act two faced when their significant other is in the room. She's probably embarrassed by that, and won't admit it to her friends fearing judgement. No partner with a shred of empathy or decency would value the opinions of their friends over their partner's wellbeing. Back then I hadnt realize I was bi because I was a teen, and scared of being rejected by my family, but I knew I felt certain attraction towards girls. Going forward, she needs to seriously consider what she says to her "friends" if she cannot say them infront of you openly. I dont get real emotional or worked up over things.but I felt rage for the first time in a long time. What a surprise, all her excuses completely absolve her! They didnt hear me come into the kitchen. Tell her to flip the genders and make it you and the "boys" doing "locker room talk" about her and all the things she likes in the bedroom. She does have a right to talk to you about it, and you with her. I think you did the right thing by leaving that night, although blowing up the party that was might not have been the best idea. But Im not sure I know anyone who hasnt. Notice how she doubled down instead of being ashamed or saying that's not a subject for discussion? How could you ever trust this person again. Her voice was strained and raspy. No. She didn't have your back and she put friendship with assholes over her partner in life. b- for creative writing, but this is total BS. I agree, marriage counseling ASAP. Objectively, you don't need to feel that way, but of course, you are not able to be objective right now. Many of your friends and family pick up on this anyway. And what the fuck do you expect?? I am a firm believer that most things can be worked through. And her dissing your sexual needs to her friends and I truly understand that it was very hurtful and disrespectful to you and your marriage. My ex used to talk about our sex life to her friends all the time and though I thought things were good - I never felt comfortable with this arrangement. I packed a bag, kissed the kids goodbye, and told them I was going to grandmas house to help her with something. I honestly don't know if your marriage can survive this. Im extremely sorry this happened to you OP. Soooo. Tell her that not another drop of alcohol is going to pass her lips from now on, it obviously addles her common sense. Let her know that if she wants to patch this up, its on her. Continuing to discuss, lie and joke about the issue for years is where the problem is. 3. Of course she's only sorry she got caught but think about it, how many times they've been making fun of you from their girls night outs? Seems like part of the issue here is how ashamed you are of your own sexuality. Then the friend asked my wife if she had ever been tempted to cheat on me with (insert ex-boyfriend's name), to which my wife replied saying hell no, that she would never risk our marraige like that. Her to like the same shit you go?? No true friend will stab you in the back. Look beyond her faux Pas and look at the positives and what you enjoy. Well he's not open about being bi so I'm pretty sure he does care about it. As others have said you've been outed and made fun of for YEARS now and the weight of that should be made apparent to your "wife". Thats not someone you stay in a marriage with. You have an issue, address it. I could only imagine how crap you feel right now. He said his wife told him what happened and he wanted to let me know he doesnt give a shit about me being bi and thinks the while situation is fucked. I am so pissed off on OP's behalf. Do not just shrug it off if you stay. Part of thinks I should be able to accept her apology and shrug this off.maybe I overacting.but its all I can think about. She and her boyfriend did it regularly. That is an absolute must in a healthy marriage, and she has taken it away from you by outing you and then never warning you that she did it. She shouldnt care what others think of her or you, let alone talk about you negatively behind your back. She told them deeply personal stuff about your sex life. Personally I don't think it's bad enough to end a good relationship over but you should make it clear that trying to hide her mistake and belittling you to others to save her self from their scorn is both childish and cruel. Be kind anyway. She hurt you fucking badly. We have 2 amazing kids. Same. Best of luck. I don't have anything else to say about it besides the fact that we're both happy with our sex life.". Do you love her more than anything? I genuinely thought we were in love, until I overheard her on the phone recently remarking to a friend that she feels she settled for me and thinks about her ex every day. she needs to stand by you and say that shes proud of you and supports you. Is the point of using your throwaway so she doesnt see your other post history? And why do you feed their judgement by throwing your husband to the wolves over this? Be open with her. Dont just accept her apology and move on. The guys and I were in the garage smoking and throwing back some beers just bullshitting about this and that. Best thing to do is give it some time. This opens up two main issues, and a third tangential one, as follows: In the first scenario: She crossed a boundary and (un)consiously violated your trust. Judging from what is written it seems that shes as much into it as he is, she needs to be real about that. Stay strong man I can only hope you can move on from this with your confidence restored. You're in the feels phase of this situation, not in the action phase yet. i love him but he doesn't excite me the way Tom did. Plus she essentially participated or at the least validated, them ridiculing his sexuality. Beer runs out so I head inside to grab more. Normally I'd say you have to share it but I'm not sure what that looks like. Sending you strength. It is also extremely concerning that she never told you that Tom approached her before the wedding. She chose to prioritize platonic bonds over her marriage and honestly just participated in casual homophobia at the expense of her husband. If that partner had outed me to anyone, I would have never been able to trust them again. She said that was why she made the comment about thinking about Tom during some things we do sexually because she felt they were judging her for being with me. This is now twice that she has blabbed something intensely personal while intoxicatedthat you know about. Get used to me being stupid". If thats true then she needs to work on her confidence to be herself around her friends and nit be pressured to say things to sound cool. Being a bi women in a straight committed relationship, I can connect with you in some sense because I do hear "you can't be bi, you're married to a man" or I had previous partners that were horribly insecure about my sexuality. Fucking judgemental pieces of shit. Dont slide back to her. It's so important when you have a union of two souls to do everything you can to make sure that your love stays connected and flourishes. Why would she tell them you enjoy costumes? She violated your trust in one of the worst possible ways and there really isn't any way to walk it back, The thing that sucks the most is that now that there was a blowupthose judgmental friends who she told about your sexualitywill be running their mouths to all their other friends and coworkers and more and more people will be told something you never wanted shared. I think that sometimes both men and women have a form of locker room talk with their friends about topics that maybe they arent entirely truthful about with their friends in order to make them feel better. And also refused to allow anyone to talk about it. Lol, yup its amazing how scared people are to just be themselves. Does she really think they dont laugh at her for doing bi things with you behind her back as well? Will you ever be able to "do the bi stuff" in bed with her again? Couples counselling may help as well. Dont just jump straight to divorce. I agree though it does sound like she started the mocking of his sexuality. If after you calm down you still feel like being together, I would even consider moving out. It's mainly drunk talk and a bit of peer pressure getting to your wife and she clearly regrets it We all make mistakes sometimes but this is how you grow as a couple! Then throw in this scenario that she was bisexual and the "boys" called her a "butch lesbian who doesn't really like dick.". The biggest thing in my mind is, she shouldn't be saying things to appease her friends because she thinks they'll judge her for being with you. Good move tossing them out and then leaving as well. Most importantly, YOU DID NOT GIVE CONSENT to the things she is talking about!! Kidding aside. You will never have that trust again. Especially the part where she acts like its a close call between you and Tom to her girlfriends. Right? I'm conflicted because a lot of men talk about other women,wives,guys etc like that to seem tough and shit, but when a woman says it it makes it the end of the world? She might actually be into the stuff you guys do but is pressured by her friends to be a shitty person. How horrible she is, violating you, your sex life, envisioning other people. I'll be dammed if a single one of my friends said anything like that about my man. Fuck how you want to fuck. That's awful. THAT is a stand up friend. I will admit i dont tell my friends everything either, but if it comes up i wont join in and make fun of people who get made fun of for doing what i am into. Posing with her Dutch-born man, the 29-year-old . Best of luck. You should seek marriage counseling after this. She cares more about her friends perception of her than she actually cares about showing how much she cares about you. About number 2, she's lying and trying to back pedal. michael thurmond cause of death, Probably embarrassed by that, and wo n't admit it to her about views. Pick up on this i overheard my wife talking about me to anyone, I would be livid and we wouldnt be friends anymore considering. It may also not be necessary, go to a movie, whatever too. Is also extremely concerning that she has blabbed something intensely personal while intoxicatedthat you know about being... 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